1. |
Fixer Upper
02:57
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Hello there! I got a letter in the post
Addressed to the previous owner
I don’t know how to pronounce their name
I don’t think they were from round here, you know
Well, I just moved into the area, yeah
That big old thing over the road
It’s a fixer upper though, it’s a fixer upper so
We’re gonna put poundshop terracotta frogs everywhere
And wrap solar power fairy lights round the gutter
Got a prosecco o’clock poster half price in Ikea
Goes nicely with the existential fear I feel
When I accidentally stop and wonder
What I’m really doing here, and how long i’ve got left before i’m six feet under
Can’t believe I’m a two homeowner…
Finally I’m a two homeowner…
The driveways paved with cotswold stone
I got off street parking for the rover,
It’s a fixer upper, yeah, no, not the rover, the rover’s golden
I’m talking about that big old thing over the road
Yeah that big old thing over the road!
Gonna knock through the kitchen wall though, Yeah, I know it’s grade 2 Tudor architecture
But we’re gonna absolutely ruin it all alright? Can’t stand old shite
It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper!
Anyway, this letter, I’ll just post it back ‘return to sender’
Unless you know him, I think…
I think he’s called J… Mr. J Konopinski.
Oh no wait, that’s not an M that’s a D,
Dr J. Konopinski, do you know him?
Sounds a bit Russian to me… Oh! He was Polish was he? I see,
And he had a PhD did he? What in?
Probably one of those pointless media degrees, not for me
University of life ya see, got a thick skin
School of hard knocks, gonna knock through that wall tuesday
Just in case you or the wife are gonna be in
a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper!
Alright mate, sorry about all the commotion yesterday
The bloody builders are refusing to finish the job until I pay em,
But I told em, no one pulls a fast one on Graham
I’m Graham by the way, don’t know if I mentioned
I told ‘em, I’m not made of money, you’re having a laugh
Two homes and a rover, comes from hard graft
I’m not minted, I earnt it, It’s not some funny voodoo business
I didn’t walk on gilded splinters to make the dent I did in under a year
I earnt it, Incase you’re wondering
And as for the builders...
Yeah they’re polish, I’m not bothered about that
But where you come from, it says alot about a man
Like, I’m not from around here, but I am
And, they won’t take cash in hand
What’s with that? Maybe they wouldn’t need the money so fast
If they weren’t willingly giving it all to the tax man
You take what you can get where I’m from
And I’m not from round here, but I am
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2. |
The Trapper's Pelts
03:58
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What a day to be alive!
The state of everything
I know you saw the sign (in the window)
The braying fist on hollow wood
Sticky fingers on sugar glass
Are you really so? (desperate desperate desperate)
All that divides us is evil/ All that unites us is evil
No, all that really divides is the binary hive mind
And the restraint that it takes, not to stick ourselves
Into every abstract object on the gallery shelves
Then the trapper came around
He was trying to sell me pelts
It was midday on a Monday
So all the smart people were at work
Trap music blaring from his furry boombox
The trapper tripped, I laughed he flipped, said
SHUT YOUR FUCKING TRAP
Or I’ll eradicate nature, right now forever
Or I’ll eradicate nature, right now forever
So I bought all his pelts (all his pelts!)
At a bulk buy discount
I took out a small business loan
And I bought all his pelts
I threw them in the boot of my car and drove downtown
I pitched up a stall, outside the office blocks
And come five o’clock, it was so cold
That everybody needed one, everybody wanted two
So I upped the price and I bled them dry cuz that’s what you do
And come six o’clock, I’d oversold
And my smile was made of solid gold
I collapsed under the weight of my own success (Yes)
And driving away with my many grapes, my many women
And my ginormous mountain of never ending blow
I saw the trapper disappear from my rear view mirror
With no pelts to call his own,
Shivering, naked and all alone… In the snow
The senseless charm, the gnawing guilt (THE TRAPPER’S PELTS, THE TRAPPER’S PELTS!)
The senseless charm, the gnawing guilt (THE TRAPPER’S PELTS, THE TRAPPER’S PELTS!)
The senseless charm, the gnawing guilt (THE TRAPPER’S PELTS, THE TRAPPER’S PELTS!)
The senseless charm, the gnawing guilt (THE TRAPPER’S PELTS, THE TRAPPER’S PELTS!)
H.M.R.C
Pay as you feel
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Yard Act Leeds, UK
What a day to be alive
The state of everything
YARD ACT are a band from Leeds.
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