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Fixer Upper / The Trapper's Pelts

by Yard Act

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Fixer Upper 02:57
Hello there! I got a letter in the post Addressed to the previous owner I don’t know how to pronounce their name I don’t think they were from round here, you know Well, I just moved into the area, yeah That big old thing over the road It’s a fixer upper though, it’s a fixer upper so We’re gonna put poundshop terracotta frogs everywhere And wrap solar power fairy lights round the gutter Got a prosecco o’clock poster half price in Ikea Goes nicely with the existential fear I feel When I accidentally stop and wonder What I’m really doing here, and how long i’ve got left before i’m six feet under Can’t believe I’m a two homeowner… Finally I’m a two homeowner… The driveways paved with cotswold stone I got off street parking for the rover, It’s a fixer upper, yeah, no, not the rover, the rover’s golden I’m talking about that big old thing over the road Yeah that big old thing over the road! Gonna knock through the kitchen wall though, Yeah, I know it’s grade 2 Tudor architecture But we’re gonna absolutely ruin it all alright? Can’t stand old shite It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! Anyway, this letter, I’ll just post it back ‘return to sender’ Unless you know him, I think… I think he’s called J… Mr. J Konopinski. Oh no wait, that’s not an M that’s a D, Dr J. Konopinski, do you know him? Sounds a bit Russian to me… Oh! He was Polish was he? I see, And he had a PhD did he? What in? Probably one of those pointless media degrees, not for me University of life ya see, got a thick skin School of hard knocks, gonna knock through that wall tuesday Just in case you or the wife are gonna be in a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! It’s a fixer upper! Alright mate, sorry about all the commotion yesterday The bloody builders are refusing to finish the job until I pay em, But I told em, no one pulls a fast one on Graham I’m Graham by the way, don’t know if I mentioned I told ‘em, I’m not made of money, you’re having a laugh Two homes and a rover, comes from hard graft I’m not minted, I earnt it, It’s not some funny voodoo business I didn’t walk on gilded splinters to make the dent I did in under a year I earnt it, Incase you’re wondering And as for the builders... Yeah they’re polish, I’m not bothered about that But where you come from, it says alot about a man Like, I’m not from around here, but I am And, they won’t take cash in hand What’s with that? Maybe they wouldn’t need the money so fast If they weren’t willingly giving it all to the tax man You take what you can get where I’m from And I’m not from round here, but I am
What a day to be alive! The state of everything I know you saw the sign (in the window) The braying fist on hollow wood Sticky fingers on sugar glass Are you really so? (desperate desperate desperate) All that divides us is evil/ All that unites us is evil No, all that really divides is the binary hive mind And the restraint that it takes, not to stick ourselves Into every abstract object on the gallery shelves Then the trapper came around He was trying to sell me pelts It was midday on a Monday So all the smart people were at work Trap music blaring from his furry boombox The trapper tripped, I laughed he flipped, said SHUT YOUR FUCKING TRAP Or I’ll eradicate nature, right now forever Or I’ll eradicate nature, right now forever So I bought all his pelts (all his pelts!) At a bulk buy discount I took out a small business loan And I bought all his pelts I threw them in the boot of my car and drove downtown I pitched up a stall, outside the office blocks And come five o’clock, it was so cold That everybody needed one, everybody wanted two So I upped the price and I bled them dry cuz that’s what you do And come six o’clock, I’d oversold And my smile was made of solid gold I collapsed under the weight of my own success (Yes) And driving away with my many grapes, my many women And my ginormous mountain of never ending blow I saw the trapper disappear from my rear view mirror With no pelts to call his own, Shivering, naked and all alone… In the snow The senseless charm, the gnawing guilt (THE TRAPPER’S PELTS, THE TRAPPER’S PELTS!) The senseless charm, the gnawing guilt (THE TRAPPER’S PELTS, THE TRAPPER’S PELTS!) The senseless charm, the gnawing guilt (THE TRAPPER’S PELTS, THE TRAPPER’S PELTS!) The senseless charm, the gnawing guilt (THE TRAPPER’S PELTS, THE TRAPPER’S PELTS!) H.M.R.C Pay as you feel


Formed in 2019, Yard Act began life when friends Ryan Needham (Bass) and James Smith (Vocals) started creating minimalist rock tracks using a primitive drum machine and borrowed bass guitar. Later drafting in George Townend on drums, and Sammy Robinson on guitars whom they met at their spiritual home The Brudenell Social Club, they played a handful of shows to a rapt reception before you-know-what intervened. No matter: ingenuity and artistry enabled them to great their debut release.

Overflowing with satirical one-liners, A side ‘Fixer Upper’ follows a cocksure fictional character, ‘Graeme’, planning some home renovations. Yard Act co-instigator Smith explains: “Graeme was inspired by an amalgamation of people who lived on my street growing up. I think everyone knows a Graeme, maybe a neighbour or an uncle… sorry if he’s your dad. Not a bad man at heart, he just sincerely believes he’s from a country and generation that achieved the apex of everything so therefore can’t ever be wrong about anything.” Drafting in Ross Orton (who’s credits include Arctic Monkeys, Working Men's Club’s, MIA, Amyl & the Sniffers) on mixing duties, it is equal parts fearsome and funny and never less than breath-taking.

On the flip side, ‘The Trapper’s Pelts’ is a satirical take on neoliberalism. James Smith explains, “It skewers elements of the American frontier into a Scarface-type narrative set against the backdrop of a mundane West Yorkshire suburb.” Produced by Bill Ryder Jones (The Coral) prior to lockdown the recording process of the track “felt like a Happy Mondays thing, keeping the drums tight and high up in the mix like a dance mix.”

Housed in a screen printed wraparound sleeve (individually printed by Ryan from the band), it’s a debut single to be treasured.


released July 20, 2020


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Yard Act Leeds, UK

What a day to be alive
The state of everything

YARD ACT are a band from Leeds.
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